The Transformed Kirk

by Laura Goodwin

K: (Voiceover...) "Captain's log, supplemental: Upon beaming down to the mysterious planet Cybele, I unaccountably find myself alone in a room with a strange, beautiful woman..." {Cue music.} {Kirk first aims his phasar at the scantily clad alien woman, then lowers it and watches as she dances toward him seductively.} "I was treated to what seemed to be some sort of welcoming ceremony..." {Woman rubs against Kirk, dancing against his body seductively. Woman pushes Kirk into a chair, then straddles him, caressing him: he reacts approvingly. She plucks his phasar from his hand and tosses it away.} "The natives *seemed* friendly enough!" {She gropes him. CLICK SOUND: Woman backs off while puzzled Kirk reaches into his pants questioningly} "What the heck was that?"

{Woman presses button on her wristband. Sound, prolonged BUZZ. {Kirk reacts as if he feels his nuts being zapped with cattle prod: Kirk yowls, jumps up, falls down, writhes around}W: "Welcome to Cybele, Captain Kirk!"

Kirk (on ground) "You know who I am?"

W: "Doesn't everybody? The tales of your misadventures are all over the galaxy."

Kirk {rising slowly}: "You know, most of those stories are just rumors that got out of hand!" {Woman pushes button} {cue BUZZ} {Kirk reacts dramaticly, then falls limp, panting when sound stops.}"Who...who are you, may I ask?"

W: "I'm Viagra, Queen of Cybele, and you, pretty boy Kirk, are now my property."

Kirk: "Sorry toots, I'd like to play but I can't be your property. I'm a Federation Starship Captain, over 400 people depend on me..."
{She BUZZes him, he reacts} "AHHHHHHHHHH!"

W: "You *were* a Starship Captain. You are *now* my property."

K: "OK! OK! Whatever! Just...stop...pushing That Button!"{he kneels, grimacing. Sees phasar and considers obtaining it.}

W: "I'll push it if I like. I always do what I like." {she zaps him again, sighs happily} "It's good to be the Queen!" {Kirk writhes, rolls, tries to obtain the phasar, but Viagra gets it first, to his dismay.}
  
W: {laughs} "Oh! You want this back Kirk? You can have it. Come and get it, if you can!" {She holds the phasar up above him, and when he reaches up she BUZZes him. He roars with pain, and grabs her arm. She swaps hands, holding the phasar away. In a rage he grabs her button arm in an attempt to seize control, BUZZing himself in the process. He falls twisting with pain, clutching his crotch.}

Kirk: (sarcastically) "Ooohh, yeah...that was a good idea!"

W: "Let's see why you want this so badly."{she examines, manipulates phasar}"Hmm. Vaporize-Kill-Stun-VIBRATE. Mmm!{She places the phasar against her crotch and smiles dreamily}

Kirk: "Give me that!"

W: "No, I have decided to liberate it in the name of the Cybelean people. But you can have more of *this* if you like!" {gestures as if to BUZZ him again, he recoils}

Kirk: "No! Nononononono! That's OK! Keep it! I give it to you...as a PRESENT!"

W: "You show potential, Kirk. I'm pleased."

Kirk: {kneeling} "What exactly do you plan to do with me?"

W: "I plan to train you to be a perfect sex slave and consort for me. You will learn how to entertain and pleasure me, and I will provide for all your needs. {offers him some food, he refuses}"

Kirk: {to audience} "You know, that doesn't sound half bad!" {to Viagra}"That's not really necessary. I can provide for myself."

W: "You will be trained, and I will use you however and whenever I like. For this you will thank me."

Kirk: "I'm actually in a strange way flattered. You actually put me through all that because you want to have sex with me?"

W: "No, I put you through all that because we are testing to see if our antiperspirants are superior to yours. (she samples the food) You're going to have to go through hell, _and_ pass all my tests to have sex with me!"

Kirk: {Groans. Looks at food}"What is that stuff, anyway?"

W: "Klingon Pate'"

Kirk: "You...people...EAT Klingons for lunch!?"

W: "This is Breakfast. I sleep late."

{Kirk considers this, tries a softer approach} "What shall I call you?"

W: "My Lady."

Kirk: "My Lady, what do I have to do to get this thing off?"

W: "It never comes off. Understand this: you are now my slave for life."

Kirk: {to audience} "Beautiful, amoral, cruel, wealthy and powerful...a guy could do worse!" {She caresses him, he likes it}

Kirk: {to Viagra} "May I ask another question? {she nods} My Lady, {nuzzles her} do you really think I'm pretty?"

{Curtain}


All site contents Copyright L. Goodwin 1990 - 2002

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