TOS hit the ground running in setting itself apart from all other network fare. Each week on Star Trek our assumptions, prejudices and follies were challenged. This episode is a perfect example of TOS at its best. Mudd's Women forthrightly addresses the difficult issue: Hot-looking babes - what is UP with them?
OK, OK, ~almost~ every week Star Trek challenged our assumptions, prejudices and follies. Sometimes it was just a wild show to watch, like this time. If you watched carefully enough, you could see some funny things going on that actually weren't what you'd expect to get, but most people choose to gloss that over. I choose not to, as I shall now demonstrate.
The story begins with the Enterprise chasing a renegade cargo vessel into an asteroid belt. Deciding it's worth the risk to save lives, Kirk orders the deflector shield extended to protect the little ship at great distance. This puts a huge strain on the Enterprise and she blows some circuits. Whoops! But flash to the transporter room, where Mr. Scott valiantly tries to beam the people aboard to safety. The first person he snags is a huge, flamboyantly-dressed fellow who introduces himself as Leo Walsh. He steps off the transporter and now here comes three more people, and just in the nick of time, natch! The small ship has been plastered by an asteroid.
The three people turn out to be three young women dressed in gorgeous gowns, and they dazzle all who see them. Scotty is agog. McCoy is stunned. Spock is blasé.
OK, OK, they dazzle ~almost~ all who see them.
Kirk orders the four brought to his quarters for interrogation. Spock escorts them. Mr. Walsh notices that Spock is "part Vulcainian", and advises the ladies to save their sex appeal for someone who'll care.
When Kirk turns and sees the women enter, he is stunned. He stares, and follows with his eyes as the tall blond (Eve McHuron) draws nigh, and says, "Hello."
"Hello ladies." Kirk says, obviously not totally discombobulated like the other guys were. "Is this your crew, captain?" he asks "Walsh".
"No, Captain, this is me cargo" is the answer.
<voiceover> "Captain's log - stardate 1329.1: We have taken aboard from unregistered vessel its captain and...and three unusual females. These women have a mysterious magnetic effect on the male members of my crew...including myself. Explanation unknown at present." </voiceover>
[NOTE: By male members it's not clear if he means male's members or members who are male.]
[NOTE: He ain't kidding either! As the women exit his quarters, we catch even the "half-Vulcainian" Mr. Spock watching their butts! Spock catches Kirk watching him watch the women's butts, and he shrugs and smirks at him as if to say, "OK, so I like butts! So what?" ]
[NOTE: Kirk is looking AT SPOCK as the women exit. Or else why is Spock catching him looking and throwing him a look? ]
[NOTE: Explanation unknown? Explanation unknown!? The "explanation" for why the women are making the men horny couldn't be plainer. Any normal, heterosexual man can plainly see what the reason is. It's as plain as the nose on your face! It's so mysterious a question that it's hiding in plain sight, right in front of you, revving the engine and leaning impatiently on the horn. Explanation unknown? What explanation is really needed, UNLESS YOU JUST PLAIN DON'T GET IT? What Kirk really doesn't get is why even Spock seems to be effected. I mean, he knows Spock really well, and just wouldn't have thought it possible. Which of course makes our gnawing question (Hot-looking babes - what is UP with them?) even more urgent.]
I guess some things are just so obvious that you just can't see them, sometimes. But Kirk can see right away that Leo Walsh is a liar, and tells him so. Soon, a ship's hearing has been convened, and it's immediately revealed that "Walsh" is really a miscreant named Harcourt Fenton Mudd. Blah, blah, blah, the girls work their magic on the men present, but it's no good: Harry Mudd is charged with posing a threat to navigation and transporting hot looking babes without a proper license.
Just as the hearing is breaking up, the Enterprise is also breaking down. Their one remaining crystal cracks, and they are now holding the ship together with bubblegum and toejam. Kirk tells everybody in the whole world that they are all on their way to Rigel 12 because they desperately need more lithium crystals double-quick. That's when Harry Mudd gets a big idea, and we all cut for commercial.
OK, we're back and the three hot-looking babes are wandering the ship freely at will, flirting with everybody and basically acting like sluts. The brunette coaxes some info out of Dr. McCoy by making his thingy go bleep n stuff.
Kirk enters his cabin in a big rush and is startled to discover Eve stretched out on his bed. So far it's a big cliché, but this is cutting edge TV, this is *Star Trek*, so this time things don't work out the way we might otherwise expect.
[NOTE: OK, OK, they don't work out the way ~you~ might expect. Me, I wasn't surprised.]
While still reclining on Kirk's cot, Eve says, "Captain? I hope you don't mind!"
[NOTE: We think... "Of course he doesn't mind, don't be ridiculous."]
Kirk replies, "In fact, Miss McHuron, I DO!"
[NOTE: Those ain't weddin vows he's pronouncin'. He ain't kiddin'. He actually does mind that she's there. Quelle surprise!]
She explains that she ducked in there to escape the oppression of men's gaze. All the guys on the ship are staring at her, and it's making her so nervous that she just had to pick the lock to the door of the Captain's cabin and arrange herself prettily on the bed, you know, to recover from the strain n stuff.
Kirk laughs a little at this (wouldn't you?). He begins to explain that his men don't normally act that way (we know Spock doesn't normally act that way), but Eve comes over to him and starts blathering on about how she understands that they are probably lonely, she knows all about loneliness...
Kirk stares, dumbfounded with amazement. He seems to find it incredible that any bitch could be this dumb.
Kirk, decent fellow that he is, resists the urge to wittily reply "You're in my bed to hide from men? Bad call!". Instead, he pities the mental cripple. Trying to be gentle (and making no sudden moves that might set her off), he softly says, "Yes...well...now if you'll excuse me...!" and moves slowly toward the door as if subtly trying to make a break for it.
Eve steps up to him and prattles on some more about how hard it must be to be a Starship Captain. Kirk assures her it's not as hard as she might think.
[NOTE: Meaning, I think, that he's not as hard as she might hope.]
"I never met a paragon!" Eve is kittenish.
"Neither have I." Kirk dryly informs her
[NOTE: Meaning, I think, that he doesn't think she is one.]
She grabs him. Still trying to be nice, Kirk tolerates it. She starts petting him, and tries to kiss him, but he resists. When she goes for the kiss, he holds back and starts talking instead, which frustrates her so much that it blows her concentration completely. She calls the whole would-be seduction off and escapes, her dignity in tatters.
[NOTE: Hey, where's the Kirk of legend? Where's Mr. big bad Playboy-of-the-stars, Mr. Boffs-every-girl who appears on the show? He ain't here, folks. He didn't chase that girl, she chased him. Surprised? I wasn't. You know why? Because I have noticed that not-chasing-the-women is actually what's normal for Kirk.]
[NOTE: Kirk is NOT overwhelmed with desire for this woman like any other guy aboard would be. Now see here! He's supposed to not be able to help himself. If he had fallen into bed with this gal, who would have blamed him, drug or no drug? She's a hot looking babe! She's throwing herself at him, for cryin' out loud! Either that Venus drug ain't all it's cracked up to be, or Kirk ain't close to being the horndog heterosexual swordsman playboy he's rumored to be, _or both_.]
Eve, very frustrated and embarrassed and pissed off (wouldn't you be?), reports to Harry Mudd.
Meanwhile more blah blah blah about the ship running on batteries blah blah blah. Kirk takes a moment to pose this week's pressing question to the resident medical expert:
Jim is all, _So, Bones, what is up with those hot-looking babes? What is the mysterious secret behind their allure?_
Bones is all, _Jeez, Jim, if I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand!_
Harry Mudd, with the help of one of his HOs, gets his hands on a stolen communicator and he and the Rigel 12 miners start dickering for dames.
The ship enters orbit, but can't maintain it for long. Oh, I can't stand the suspense. Will they be able to sell the HOs in time to buy crystals and save the ship!? I'm bitin' my nails, here!
Harry Mudd gives his HOs their fix, and reminds Eve that "Ship's captains are already married: to their vessels!" A little white lie. He's just trying to soften the blow of her REJECTION by Kirk. He wants her sunny-side up and happy to meet the new guys, instead of still sulking about her embarrassment. It's just good business practice.
Image: Eve holding a gemlike dose of the drug in her trembling hand.
Image: Spock holding a lithium crystal in his hand, and waxing poetic.
"Even burned and cracked, they are beautiful. Destroying them was a shame."
[NOTE: What's THIS? Spock admiring something beautiful and deploring its wanton destruction? Who knew he was so sensitive? I'll tell you who knows: Kirk knows. This is how Spock talks when it's just between him and Jim.]
Jim replies, "Not at all Mr. Spock. The choice was burning this lithium crystal or the destruction of another man's ship."
[NOTE: Looks like we got both.]
Two miners come in, and tell Kirk they want to trade crystals for Mudd's women. Kirk recovers his wits quickly, refuses, and (I love this) decides to play hardball with these miner bastards. He snaps into "Make My Day" mode, and seriously reminds them that they are waaaay far out in space alll alone, and that they better not piss off a representative of the UFP. Good thinkin' Kirk! That's my boy!
While Kirk is still negotiating, the door flies open and in come Harry Mudd and his gorgeous goils, as if rushing in late to a cocktail party before they rush off to another party they have to go to.
[NOTE: Hey, wait a second! Wasn't he locked up n stuff!?]
Well, this is totally unfair, because now that the miners have gotten a whiff of these dolls they are totally addlepated and there is no hope that they now might act reasonably. Now it's time for a handful of pretzels and a quick potty break.
OK, we are back from commercial break and what's the score? Mudd 1, Kirk 0.
It doesn't look good. The ship is in peril. The miners got their girls, but because they are completely dizzy over the dames they don't have time to give Kirk his crystals. We are left to wonder at this point why Kirk and Spock don't just pull phasers out and promise to only damage the miners a little if the jerks will finally cough up the goods.
Suddenly, a minor disagreement about who is supposed to be dancing with whom gets Eve all upset. She hysterically runs out into a big Rigillian sandstorm. Kirk, big Boy Scout that he is, runs after her and tries to stop her, but no good. She's lost in the storm.
[NOTE: the real courage on display is poor Shatner bravely trying to hang on to his toup in the windstorm.]
Soon we are back aboard the ship looking for the bitch from up there, which proves fruitless because the storm interferes.
Flash to miner Ben's hovel, where Eve is finally safe. In a little while, her and Ben start grouchily playing house together.
The storm clears, and they now can see that Eve is with Ben, so Kirk and Mudd beam down for the final confrontation. Kirk spills the beans about the Venus drug, and Eve takes a dose to demonstrate its miraculous effects. Moments later, she is transformed from a dusty, bedraggled hag into a squeeky-clean, perfectly coifed young lady with a sexy voice. Ben is impressed! It's even more impressive when Kirk reveals that what Eve took was a placebo! Ben decides he wants to talk seriously with Eve about marriage n stuff. Kirk then feels constrained to make the socially redeeming moral of the story utterly clear:
"You either believe in yourself, or you believe in a drug. Obviously, believing in yourself isn't enough! Drugs work! OK, OK, ~believing~ in drugs works!"
[NOTE: The above is not actually a direct quote.]
But what about our burning main question, the question of the week, namely "Good lookin' babes, what is UP with them?" It seems the answer is, "What's up with good lookin' babes is they want to get married so they can finally relax and slump a little. The *pressure* is MURDER!"
But what about "lonely" Captain Jim? Don't worry about him, he's got someone. Eve thinks it's the Enterprise. Kirk apparently is content to let her think that.
Spock, at the end, sums it all up for us:
"I'm happy the whole affair is over. A most annoying, emotional episode."
You said it, brother.
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